Cross roads of mix feelings

I hate it the most when people tries so hard to provoke me. Am I a bear for you to poke your stick at? The more you do it the more I felt sorry for you. I have so much dreams and aspirations in my short life, so are you. Why are you trying to bring me down like this? It just makes you a equally pathetic person.

Be it relationship or friendship, I try to maintain as much balance as possible but I'm only human. There are bounds to be times I neglect one side but still I tried my best to make up for it. So why must it be so complicated?

The more you nag, the more you are pushing me away. I get irritated, I just want to be alone. Just stop talking, can you even hear the words you are saying?

Can't I get entitled to a little fun? I just want to run wild and free without anything holding me back. Life is not always about maintaining order and responsibilities. The young dreams are slowly fading into fantasies, I constantly felt that I'm trying to gasp at straws.

Nobody understands me, i don't even understand myself anymore. Who is the one staring back at me in the mirror? I already wore too much mask, which one is my true self? Along the process of pleasing everyone's expectations, I have lose myself without even knowing it.

I wish I can tell everyone I'm okay, I'm not.

Can someone just come save a dying wretch soul like mine?

What is wrong with Blogger?

I don't know what updates did Blogger team did recently but I'm certainly not impress.All the images uploaded to Blogger gets grainy! Maybe I'm the only one having this problem, temporary I will be hosting my pictures with Flickr until Blogger fix this problem. 

You guys can judge for yourself, difference between images upload directly to Blogger and Flickr.

Blogger

Flickr

Blogger

Flickr

Can Blogger team please fix this problem!

Thanks!

Living an Aventure

Many times there are always unexpected things happening in our lives, spicing up our boring mundane routine. It may throw us off track but we will always manage to pick our-self up and bounce right up. We may never know what is going to happen next so why not just embrace every uncertainty and smile!

Yet unexpected scenarios still manage upsets me today, I'm trying my best not to hold on to that grudge, I'll try even it's hard.

Stupid banks and their incompetency at keeping cheques.

没烦恼

太多无形的压力, 太多烦恼, 心理很烦很想要个解脱。

慢慢开始觉得这世界根本没有人是真心。

在每个皮囊下都存在着虚伪肤浅和丑陋的心。

是我想太多吧, 开始幻觉每个人都要伤害我。

很累, 我不解为什么我会这个样子。我心里病了吗? 还是我寂寞了?

可能是你忽冷忽热, 我不想去猜。有时的温柔, 有时的冷眼真的很累人。

没有答案的问题。

Convenience to Inconvenience

Recently POSB Bank had launch a Debit and PASSION Ez-link card, having both cards I was thinking why not convert to the 2 in 1 card save me the hassle of having one less card in my wallet.

Oh how wrong was I, I can't top my new Ez-link card with NETS as the card I'm using to top up is the also the NETS CARD!!! WTF SHIT! That means I have to go get another NETS CARD!

The trouble i went through oh my 天!

Paid $12 for giving myself more shit. And my agony doesn't end here...First the lady in the bank told me I could transfer my fund from my old Ez-link to the new one by using the ATM machine, it's a fucking lie!

Frustrated and left with no choice I went back to the bank and they gave me shit excuse that I need to go Transit Link and transfer my funds...Guess what, when I went to the Transit Link they directed me to Community Center!

I didn't even use any benefit from my new card yet all I get now is frustrations everywhere!

If you are still using the old PASSION Ez-link, my advise to you is keep it, don't bother wasting your money and give yourself pointless troubles.

Lastly, thanks to POSB, they gave me a very good reason to open a new bank account with another bank since now I need another NETS Card.

Over Relying On Convenience

Have you ever felt granted for the things in your life? 

Like you expect certain things to work the way for you every time, I must say I'm guilty of it.

Kept procrastinating that I will buy a external hard disk to save all my documents, photos and whatsoever but in the end I didn't. Out of convenience and mostly laziness I just saved everything into a folder on my Windows.

Now the Windows has died on me and left with no choose I have to reformat everything and all datas will be gone! 

POOF!

I can only have myself to blame.

In need of a break...

Working too hard lately as if trying to cover back all the lost time I made during the short holiday. Maybe it's all the people coming in and out of your life.

My life mainly revolves around my home, Bf's home and my work place now. Small social circle...But overall I believed I'm truly blessed. Because as much as they dislike me or my attitude OR maybe..Maybe' my face look too 'guai lan' already but they do care/love me (: 

Can't believe I used to say people don't love me enough. But now I look things differently, feel differently and think differently, I've now seen things in a new way that I couldn't see before. Blinded by all the nasty lies  told by many...

Cherished your loved ones including your enemies.

Wasted too much precious time on mindless things. Time won't slow down or go back but we can always move on and march bravely towards our future without repeating our past mistakes. 

Regretted.

So what? 

We still needs to move on with our life, time won't stop for anyone!

A human life is very limited, but death itself is forever, so why not make sure every second count? 

I still need the courage to move on. Many times in a day a same thought would flood my mind, I want to give up badly. But when I slowly think of all the others I have grown to love and care for, I won't give up!

加油!

梦境,现实

最近常常在做一些有的没的噩梦，每次都无法从梦境里抽离。而且梦里都是我人生过去里的过客，走的走死的死但是在梦里他们总是都在对我笑。我却哭得稀里哗啦真是狼狈！是在嘲笑我吗？心真的好痛。还是我真的放不下？但现实里的我却一点感觉也没有。是心理障碍吗？我不多话也没有话说出口。心理创伤没地方发泄。

#foreveralone

Maybe I am not trying hard enough.
Maybe I am not caring at all.
Maybe I am just simply useless.

Just maybe...

I may laugh out loud.
I may shrugged things off.

Things are not as simple as it is.
I just can't wash clean away the emotions.

The grieving part isn't over for me i guess.

So don't bring Her/Him into the topics. I hate remembering those feelings.
I can still feel the pain being inflicted upon me by them like it has just happen.

I missed you.I hope with death you find peace.

Nasty words do comes out from my filthy mouth many times. But you know I do love you.
Maybe I wasn't the apple in you eye among all the grandchildren's
But as they always says. "The apple don't fall very far away from the tree".

And to the one I buried deep inside.

Why do you still make me feel the same as I was before?
I hate being weak. You are my weakness. I long to burn you away.

Stalking, casting a shadow within me.

Forever and always, I am no longer myself. Merely just a shadow of my prime state.
Here stood was just an empty cast.

For my love ones.

I will still smile and shine brightly for you.
But bare in mind. Deep within Me still contains a beast waiting to consumes her.
Slowly poisoning and threatening her soul.

Just quietly waiting for a chance to lash out.
Stalking the prey like a true predator of the night.

Filled with angst and hate. Pain doesn't loom far away.

Release me.

Offer me the Peace.

-Momo